Prelude
by iWill42
Summary: In which the Doctor regenerates and a president is accidentally deposed. Prelude to a little series of lighthearted stories I have planned.


The Doctor lay on the TARDIS floor as the last of the regeneration energy dissipated. Blimey. That was a big one. Those blasted Cybermen. The Doctor reached out, gripped the console, pulled herself up. She turned and looked at her reflection in the scanner. Not bad. Biped. Brown eyes. Shorter than usual. Shame about the nose. And then the Doctor realised the big thing she was missing, quite literally staring her in the face, and she gave a yelp of surprise.

"I'm ginger!"

By a startling coincidence, "I'm ginger!" were the exact words currently passing the lips of the newly elected President Zloopy of Zantrab VII. The inhabitants of Zantrab VII are a curious species, composed as they are entirely of vegetable matter. Their civilisation is one of peace and harmony- there are almost no conflicts over resources, as every inhabitant of the planet can sustain themselves through photosynthesis. Unfortunately, the lack of resource conflicts had led to a number of unfortunate racial upsets, notably the general exclusion of ginger citizens in favour of broccoli and carrot ones in political life. Thus, the election of the planet's first ever ginger president was a remarkable achievement.

Unfortunately, in his inaugural speech, President Zloopy made the gravest possible political mistake: he asked for the electorate's attention.

"No...no...no... Goodness me, what have my companions been _wearing_ all this time?"

demanded the Doctor as she ransacked the TARDIS wardrobe.

President Zloopy stepped up to the podium. The crowd went wild, and a drowsiness drug was pumped into the sprinkler system that fed the city until everyone had calmed down.

He cleared his throat.

"My fellow Jakustans, carrots and cauliflower, cabbages and broccoli-

_Lend me your ears!"_

It was at this point that the unfortunate President Zloopy was pelted to death by the onslaught of his citizens' ears, for the appendages of Jakustans are, of course, fully detachable. Most scientists agree that the Jakustans evolved detachable ears partly as a natural defence against predators, and partly so that evolution could stick two fingers up at the intended companion species to the Jakustans that had long since abandoned the evolutionary line of Earthly garden matter.

"_Why_ did I think that was a good idea? Honestly, my past selves seem to get worse and worse. That coat is nearly blinding, what was he thinking? But then, the middle regeneration is always a problem."

The offending coat and bow tie were tossed into the bin.

"Well, think I'm just about ready now..."

Evolution's intended companion species to the Jakustans was, of course, the Sontarans. Evolution had made plans for a third species made entirely of roast beef, but the other universal forces pointed out to Evolution that such creatures had already become quite successful, and were known on Earth as Cows. Evolution had then gone off in a huff, the unfortunate result of which was the human appendix. This has meant that, since that day, Evolution has generally been allowed to get away with whatever she wants, resulting in the high number of glow-in-the-dark fish and bubble-wrap monsters in the universe.

The Doctor strolled into the console room, quite at her ease, and threw herself at the controls. She was dressed in grey trousers, a white shirt, red tie and black waistcoat. She was ready to go. It had been a while since she'd paid a call on Vastra and Jenny...

Mind made up, and knowing the general working of the TARDIS, she set the controls for Alpha Centauri in 7032, and crossed her fingers that the TARDIS wouldn't end up _too _far out of the way. She looked up at the central column as the old engines ground into life. She'd been so far with the old girl. Seen so much. Done so much. She grinned. Plenty more where that came from.

It is generally calculated that for a traveller in time and space, the number of possible experiences (even once plainly intolerable things like Cyber-conversion or Come Dine With Me are discounted)

is so large that infinity itself sods the whole business and goes down the pub.

At over 1,000 years (and counting) the Doctor hadn't seen anything yet.


End file.
